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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,588

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped school.

Broadcasted on Slack:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Freshly posted on Discord:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Making waves on Discord:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Going viral on Telegram:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Just landed via Slack:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Making waves on Twitch:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

22 Funny American quotes

More funny American quotes 👇

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

3 weeks ago

American, Americans, Celsius, conversion, Fahrenheit, freeze, humor, joke, measurement, said, saw, system, temperature, unit, unit system, water
Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

3 weeks ago

along, American, American dream, debt, dream, economy, finance, humor, irony, lifestyle, maybe, money, real

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All funny American quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

80 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

11 shares on Discord this month:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

13 shares on Threads this month:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Making waves on Facebook:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Going viral on Slack:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

Spotted on Pinterest:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

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Activity Log ✨

22 Funny American quotes

More funny American quotes 👇

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

All funny American quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨