Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Just landed via Twitch:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Just landed via Instagram:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Just shared via Telegram:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Just landed via X:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Trending via Slack:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Live now on TikTok:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Funny Barenaked Lady quotes

New funny Barenaked Lady quotes 👇

All funny Barenaked Lady quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Slack this month:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

It seems really unfair that my future depends on me.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

84 shares on Discord this month:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

19 shares on Discord this month:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,394

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Trending via Threads:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Spotted on Telegram:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Spotted on Threads:

I would prefer not to.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Spotted on Threads:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴