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Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,852

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spotted on WeChat:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Just shared via Twitch:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Just landed via YouTube:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Breaking via Discord:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Just landed via YouTube:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Home » Funny Calm Quotes » Page 2

27 Funny calm quotes

More funny calm quotes 👇

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

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2 months ago

advice, ask, calm, fellas, humor, joke, lady, mad, put, relationship, weight
I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

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2 months ago

am, calm, calm down, communication, goodbye, guess, humor, i, just, man, misunderstanding, relationship, told, woman
If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

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2 months ago

calm, calm down, complain, driving, hood, humor, least, road, safety, sarcasm, want
Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

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2 months ago

advice, after, being, calm, calming, frustration, history, humor, irony, never, told
Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

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2 months ago

anxiety, attack, calm, emergency, grocery, grocery store, health, mental, mental health, panic, people, situation, situations, store, surety, trauma
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

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2 months ago

calm, communication, ever, house, humor, key, lock, locked, talk
It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

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2 months ago

annoy, calm, humor, irony, people, unhappy
Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

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2 months ago

advice, calm, communication, humor, husband, just, little, me, prayer, relationship, say, told
My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

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2 months ago

attitude, boss, calm, give, humor, i, laziness, likes, pressure, sarcasm, shit, tell, work
My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

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2 months ago

calm, conversation, humor, idiots, patience, staying, superpower, talking, wit

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All funny calm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on YouTube this month:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

48 shares on Threads this month:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

27 shares on Slack this month:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Breaking via Telegram:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Making waves on Twitch:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Just landed via Instagram:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Spotted on Discord:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Live now on Reddit:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Going viral on Slack:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Activity Log ✨

27 Funny calm quotes

More funny calm quotes 👇

All funny calm quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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