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27 Funny celebrity quotes

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

2 weeks ago

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

3 weeks ago

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

1 month ago

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

2 months ago

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

3 months ago

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

3 months ago

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

3 months ago

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

3 months ago

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

3 months ago

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

3 months ago

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

3 months ago

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

3 months ago

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

3 months ago

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

3 months ago

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

3 months ago

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

3 months ago

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

3 months ago

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

3 months ago

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

3 months ago