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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Just landed via Messenger:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Shared recently on Instagram:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Funny Confucius quotes

New funny Confucius quotes 👇

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

1 week ago

Confucius, death, die, drink, earlier, experience, humor, life, lot, much, seen, twice, wisdom

All funny Confucius quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

I think that McDonalds is putting an unhealthy amount of lettuce in the Big Macs these days.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

12 shares on X this month:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

49 shares on X this month:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Spreading quickly via X:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Live now on Threads:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Just landed via Facebook:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Trending via Telegram:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Body by sandwich.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Spreading quickly via X:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Going viral on Snapchat:

When did making sense stop making sense?

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Funny Confucius quotes

New funny Confucius quotes 👇

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

All funny Confucius quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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