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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Trending via Twitch:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Shared recently on Telegram:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Trending via Messenger:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Just shared via Facebook:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Trending via YouTube:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Trending via Messenger:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Breaking via Reddit:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Funny critic quotes

New funny critic quotes 👇

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

0

2 months ago

cleverness, critic, de, food, humor, i, nom, nom de plume, plume, pun, restaurant, under, writing

Someone from 🇱🇺 has recently copied this quote.

53 shares on Discord this month.

All funny critic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

99 shares on Discord this month:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

21 shares on Threads this month:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Spotted on Facebook:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

Spotted on Instagram:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Seen just now on YouTube:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Going viral on Instagram:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Going viral on Snapchat:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Live now on TikTok:

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

Trending via WeChat:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny critic quotes

New funny critic quotes 👇

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

All funny critic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨