41 Funny dad quotes

• Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

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  8 hours ago

  dad, decision, electricity, family, history, humor, i, living, living will, plug, want, waste, wasting

• Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

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  9 hours ago

  cream, dad, family, guilt, honesty, humor, i, ice, ice cream, kids, me, parenting, rest, snack

• I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

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  10 hours ago

  call, dad, data, forget, funny memory, guy, i, me, memory, middle, middle school, need, never, Obama, phone, school, stop, tell, using, Verizon

• My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

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  2 days ago

  atonement, bill, cell, cell phone bill, consciousness, creating, dad, family, humor, monthly, original, original sin, pay, phone, responsibility, sin

• Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

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  1 month ago

  anyone, blast, concern, dad, distraction, else, family, father, full, habit, house, humor, just, loud, phone, phones, video, videos, volume, watch

• My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

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  2 months ago

  boyfriend, breakup, crop, dad, end, family, humor, joke, new, photo, picture, sister, stand, told, whenever

• Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

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  2 months ago

  dad, every, family, humor, i, mom, parent, reaction, refund, relationship, sarcasm, something, stares, stupid, time, wants

• Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them.

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  2 months ago

  ahead, back, competition, dad, driving, family, family trip, hard, hate, hour, humor, last, pass, passing, road, road trip, stopping, trip, vehicle

• Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

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  2 months ago

  acceptable, dad, family, humor, i, life, never, sneeze, volume

• At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

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  2 months ago

  adult, adult humor, American, American Dad, animation, cartoon, comedy, dad, family, Family Guy, graduate, guy, humor, life, life stage, point, show, stage, TV, TV Show

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