36 Funny dad quotes — Wordgag ツ

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

2 months ago2 months ago

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

2 months ago2 months ago

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

2 months ago2 months ago

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

2 months ago2 months ago

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

3 months ago3 months ago

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

3 months ago3 months ago

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

3 months ago3 months ago

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

3 months ago3 months ago

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

3 months ago3 months ago

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

3 months ago3 months ago

Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.

4 months ago4 months ago

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

4 months ago4 months ago

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

4 months ago4 months ago

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

5 months ago5 months ago

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

5 months ago5 months ago

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

5 months ago5 months ago

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Jan 28, 2025

I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.

Jan 28, 2025

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Jan 27, 2025

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Jan 26, 2025