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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,321

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Going viral on Twitch:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Making waves on Twitch:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Making waves on X:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Funny daily task quotes

Funny daily task quotes bring a burst of laughter 😂 to your everyday to-do list 📋, turning mundane chores into moments of joy 🎉. Whether you’re battling laundry piles 🧺 or endless emails 📧, these witty words make productivity feel less like work and more like a fun game 🎮. Get ready to smile 😄 and tackle tasks with a lighter heart 💪!

New funny daily task quotes 👇

You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

2 weeks ago

behind, chore, daily, daily task, day, every, household, humor, laundry, procrastination, still, task
Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

2 months ago

chores, clean, cook, daily, daily task, decision, decision making, grocery, humor, humor quote, i, laziness, making, okay, procrastination, reading, shopping, task
Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

2 months ago

bathroom, bed, bed to bathroom, brushing, chore, daily, daily task, day, effort, feels, frustration, getting, harder, humor, just, night, nighttime, nighttime routine, pissed, routine, task, teeth, thinking, tooth, tooth brushing, walking, working

All funny daily task quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Slack this month:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

44 shares on X this month:

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

52 shares on Threads this month:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Just landed via Reddit:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Seen just now on Threads:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Going viral on X:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Spotted on Telegram:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Breaking via TikTok:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

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