Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die. Posted on3 hours ago
If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end. Posted on19 hours ago
If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw. Posted on1 day ago
What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people? Posted on2 days ago
Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving. Posted on4 days ago
Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later. Posted on5 days ago
Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital? Posted on7 days ago
*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning. Posted on1 week ago
Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again. Posted on1 week ago