Funny quotes » dark humor

32 Funny dark humor quotes

New funny dark humor quotes 👇

  • My plan is to die young as late as possible.

    Commentary:
    “Forever young, but not a minute early! 🕒😎👴”

  • It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

    Commentary:
    “Good point! 😅 Otherwise, iceberg lettuce would have a whole new meaning❄️🥗 #HistoryWithPlotTwists”

  • “Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

    Commentary:
    Haha, now that’s what I call a strong password! 💀🔒😂

  • Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, so that’s why Mondays feel like a glitch in the matrix! 😅🔧🚀”

  • I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

    Commentary:
    “Modern parenting: test-driving kids like they’re on a 30-day return policy 😂👶🔄”

  • Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

    Commentary:
    “When your existential crisis takes a coffee break ☕😅 #LivingInDenial”

  • Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

    Commentary:
    Well, talk about emotional baggage with your snacks! 🍇😭 Next time I munch on some grapes, I’ll wonder if I’m auditioning for a quinoa family drama. 🍇🎭 Who knew fruit could be so H O T! 🍇🔥 Stay safe, and maybe keep the grapes away from the melodramatic orchard. 😉

  • What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

    Commentary:
    “Here’s a novel idea: ‘May you have a beary exciting wildlife encounter in the near future!’ 🐻😉 Remember, speak softly and carry a big stick, or in this case, a good sense of humor!”

  • Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

    Commentary:
    “Time travelers facing tough ethical dilemmas: Do we really need to take down baby Hitler, or can we just catch him in his angsty teenage phase? 🕰️👶💥 #ChronoConundrums”

  • All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

    Commentary:
    “Living life to the fullest and planning my grand finale with a touch of German flair! 💀🇩🇪 Who says death can’t be dramatic and bizarre? 🎭 #LifeGoals #GermanVocab”

For even more funny dark humor quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny dark humor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Advertisement

Trending Topics

activity communication day family food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me need parenting people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology think time want work