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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,743

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Trending via TikTok:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Seen just now on Threads:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Breaking via Messenger:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

68 Funny dark humor quotes

Funny dark humor quotes are like a mischievous wink in the world of comedy, perfectly blending laughter and a touch of the unexpected 😂💀. They dance on the edge, tickling our funny bones while revealing those deliciously awkward truths we secretly love to acknowledge 🤭. If you enjoy a chuckle with a side of edginess, these quotes are your go-to for a humor fix that’s both daring and delightful! 🌟

New funny dark humor quotes 👇

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

3 hours ago

babe, communication, concern, dark, dark humor, day, humor, joke, okay, relationship
Getting to the age where I’m like, “Oh, hopefully I’ll be dead by then.”

4 hours ago

age, aging, dark, dark humor, dead, getting, humor, middle, middle age, mortality, oh, pessimism, sarcasm, where
Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

2 weeks ago

daily, daily life, dark, dark humor, fantasy, humor, life, lord, Lord of the Rings, modern, modern life, Mordor, rings
Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

2 weeks ago

airplane, airplane crash video, braid, candle, crash, dark, dark humor, fresh, glowing, hair, hair braid, humor, incredible, irony, light, light off, lights, relaxation, room, room smell, sheet, sheets, shower, smell, smells, video, videos
(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

2 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, grindset, guy, humor, i, jump, motivational, motivational parody, parody, penthouse, suicidal
I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

2 weeks ago

dark, dark humor, devil, humor, i, joke, rejection, said, selling, selling soul, soul, tried
I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

3 weeks ago

actually, charming, dark, dark humor, guillotine, humor, i, let, me, sarcasm, wit
(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

3 weeks ago

before, compliment, cool, dark, dark humor, executioner, humor, i, irony, last, last words, met, unexpected, unexpected compliment, wish, words
Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

3 weeks ago

accidental, accidental humor, accidentally, awkwardness, concern, dark, dark humor, health, help, humor, i, mental, mental health, normal, normal people, people, social, social awkwardness, used
I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

1 month ago

box, dark, dark humor, heart, hoodie, humor, i, love, me, sarcasm, want

For even more funny dark humor quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dark humor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Going bananas on TikTok:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Just shared via TikTok:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Going viral on Threads:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Freshly posted on Slack:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Making waves on YouTube:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Passive income? Brothers, I need massive income.

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