370 Funny day quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'speak now, lawn later' approach to expressing opinions! 🌱💬 Just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of that sign! 😉🌿"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

  Commentary:
  "Being flexible is definitely my strong suit, just as long as everything goes exactly as I envisioned it in my mind palace with absolutely zero deviations… 😅🤷‍♂️ Who needs spontaneity when you've got a perfectly crafted blueprint, am I right?"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like those little troublemakers are getting rewarded for their exceptional skills in procrastination! Maybe it's time for them to earn their stripes… and do some chores! 🤣🏆💪"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic last-minute flossing strategy – a true dental exam cram session! 🦷📚 Don't worry, your gums won't spill the beans to your dentist…hopefully! 😉 #FlossingProcrastination

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

  Commentary:
  Oh, how times have changed! 🔄🔍 Now you can just go down an internet rabbit hole to uncover all the conspiracy theories your heart desires. Who knew vinyl could be so scandalous, right? 🎶🕵️‍♂️ #ConspiracySpin

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs Netflix when you've got jury duty? 🕵️‍♂️💼 But let's be real, being sequestered probably means getting more peace and quiet than any mom could dream of! 🤫🛌 #MomGoals"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

  Commentary:
  "Well, excuse me while I dial up some drama for tomorrow! 📞🤢 Can't wait to see the reactions when I 'soft launch' my call out the 'stomach bug' way. Your move, stomach… Your move. 🤣 #SneakyCallOutStrategies"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs party games when you've got conspiracy theories to unravel? 🕵️‍♂️✨ It's like Clue meets X-Files – your family won't know what hit them! Just don't let Uncle Bob start on his Area 51 rant… 🛸👽 #FamilyPartyGoals"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

  Commentary:
  "Canadians are so dedicated to gravy, they have a whole separate day just to celebrate it! 🇨🇦🍗 Who needs a specific Thanksgiving day when you can have gravy with a side of turkey any day of the year? 😂 #GravyLoversUnite"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

  Commentary:
  "Sending off the orange with big expectations for its day at school! 🍊📚 May it avoid getting 'squished' in the lunchbox drama. See you later, citrus friend! 😄 #SchoolLunchAdventures"

For even more funny day quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌