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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,757

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Breaking via WeChat:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

That boring, introverted life you’re living has probably protected you from a lot of harm and bad experiences.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Seen just now on X:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Breaking via Telegram:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

14 Funny diarrhea quotes

Funny diarrhea quotes offer a light-hearted approach to a topic that’s often awkward to discuss. 💩😅 From humorous takes on the unexpected urgency to witty reflections on digestive mishaps, these quotes bring a smile to an otherwise uncomfortable subject. Embrace the comedy in these unplanned moments and enjoy a laugh with these amusing takes on diarrhea! 💩😅

New funny diarrhea quotes 👇

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

6 days ago

around, brain, brains, diarrhea, everyone, going, humor, just, mouth, nonsense, place, talking, vomiting, whatever
Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

7 days ago

appearance, diarrhea, good, humor, magical, people, photo, photogenic, photography, pic, picture, still
Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

1 week ago

angel, bell, diarrhea, every, fast, fast food, food, gastrointestinal, humor, joke, rings, sarcasm, taco, Taco Bell, time
Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

1 week ago

5, ago, boss, diarrhea, embarrassment, humor, i, job, laid, layoff, miscommunication, months, prank, telling, texting, workplace
My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

1 week ago

body, diarrhea, digestion, food, humor, machine, pizza
Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

1 week ago

diarrhea, funny name, gonorrhea, great, humor, joke, medicine, name, wordplay
I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

2 weeks ago

diarrhea, humor, i, illness, joke, livarrhea, pun, sick, want, wordplay
I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

2 weeks ago

always, control, diarrhea, diarrhoea, English, humor, i, language, looks, lost, spelling, vowels, wordplay
My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

2 weeks ago

animal, animal care, bear, better, care, diarrhea, getting, health, humor, me, problems, vet, woods, worry
What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

3 weeks ago

anxiety, car, cars, common, diarrhea, electric, electric car, fear, home, humor, joke, making, transportation

For even more funny diarrhea quotes, hit next 👇

All funny diarrhea quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on X this month:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

93 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

20 shares on Telegram this month:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

72 shares on X this month:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

11 shares on Threads this month:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Adding lol to things is good feng shui.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

The cool side of the pillow just stole my boyfriend.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Going viral on Facebook:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Going viral on Slack:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Making waves on Slack:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

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