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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Making waves on WeChat:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Trending via WeChat:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Just shared via WeChat:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Just shared via Messenger:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Breaking via Telegram:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Just shared via YouTube:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

12 Funny disagreement quotes

More funny disagreement quotes 👇

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

2 months ago

attack, different, direct, disagreement, feelings, friendly, having, humor, movie, opinion, person, personal, perspective, reminder, sarcasm, should, someone, take
I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

3 months ago

better, confidence, disagreement, humor, just, stubborn, yours

For even more funny disagreement quotes, hit next 👇

All funny disagreement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on X this month:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

56 shares on Threads this month:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

48 shares on X this month:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Just landed via WeChat:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Spotted on YouTube:

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Spotted on Pinterest:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Trending via Facebook:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Live now on WeChat:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

12 Funny disagreement quotes

More funny disagreement quotes 👇

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

All funny disagreement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨