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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Seen just now on Slack:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

Spotted on Threads:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Going viral on YouTube:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Funny discontinued item quotes

New funny discontinued item quotes 👇

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

3 weeks ago

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All funny discontinued item quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

96 shares on Messenger this month:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Going viral on WeChat:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

Just landed via YouTube:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

Spotted on Telegram:

It amazes me how many battles in the first two years of the Civil War were decided by which side woke up the earliest.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Going viral on Threads:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Going viral on Threads:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

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Funny discontinued item quotes

New funny discontinued item quotes 👇

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

All funny discontinued item quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨