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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self-worth?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Live now on Instagram:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Seen just now on X:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My parents think they know me.

Seen just now on Discord:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Making waves on Reddit:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

31 Funny distance quotes

More funny distance quotes 👇

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

3 weeks ago

40, attraction, coworker, distance, feet, hot, hours, humor, just, office, proximity, time, week, work

For even more funny distance quotes, hit next 👇

All funny distance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

53 shares on Discord this month:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Trending via Messenger:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Just shared via Facebook:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Making waves on X:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Shared recently on Discord:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Going viral on TikTok:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Just shared via Facebook:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Shared recently on Slack:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

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Activity Log ✨

31 Funny distance quotes

More funny distance quotes 👇

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

All funny distance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨