I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

This entire month couldโ€™ve been an email.

This meeting could have been an unread email.

This whole week could have been an email.

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that couldโ€™ve been an email.

This alien invasion could have been an email.

This Monday could have been an email.

I hope this email kills us both.

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

โ€œHope this email finds you doing well!โ€ The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

That fight couldโ€™ve been an email.

I love when I get an email from a brand saying โ€œwe miss you!โ€ with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, letโ€™s be competitive here.

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Responding to any and all emails with โ€˜wow okโ€™

Might start signing off emails with โ€˜well, I hope youโ€™re happyโ€™

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.