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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,555

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Making waves on Instagram:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The older I get, no.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Breaking via Threads:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Going bananas on Instagram:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

79 shares on Discord this month:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Might start signing off emails with ‘well, I hope you’re happy’

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

12 shares on X this month:

About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

74 shares on Threads this month:

It’s so beautiful when two real perverts find each other.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

77 shares on Slack this month:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,417

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Just landed via Instagram:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Trending via Instagram:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

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