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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Shared recently on TikTok:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Going viral on X:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Live now on WeChat:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Just shared via Twitch:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Making waves on TikTok:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

99 shares on Instagram this month:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

74 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

100 shares on X this month:

I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Live now on WeChat:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Trending via Twitch:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Live now on Twitch:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Breaking via Threads:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

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