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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Trending via Messenger:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Spotted on Slack:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Trending via Slack:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Going bananas on Discord:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Just landed via Slack:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Live now on Slack:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

56 Funny fat quotes

More funny fat quotes 👇

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

3 weeks ago

body, body image, easy, easy to see, fat, humor, image, just, perception, self-deprecation
I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

3 weeks ago

body, body image, content, fat, getting, humor, image, perspective, self-deprecation
My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

3 weeks ago

diet, fat, food, hibernate, humor, lifestyle, live, loss, new, plan, weight, weight loss
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

3 weeks ago

body, body image, fat, found, friendship, hang, hang out, humor, i, image, people, perspective, self-deprecation, thin
Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

3 weeks ago

being, crazy, depressed, depression, effect, fat, gain, health, help, humor, just, medication, mental, mental health, oh, pill, psychiatry, side, side effect, weight, weight gain
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

3 weeks ago

arm, arm fat, body, body positivity, confidence, fat, here, humor, imagine, just, me, over, playing, positivity, self-love

For even more funny fat quotes, hit next 👇

All funny fat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on X this month:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

21 shares on Threads this month:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

36 shares on X this month:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

46 shares on X this month:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Be the funny, awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world.

Freshly posted on Threads:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Just shared via Instagram:

I put the mess in domestic.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Making waves on Slack:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Live now on Pinterest:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Spotted on Threads:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

56 Funny fat quotes

More funny fat quotes 👇

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

All funny fat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨