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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with the name “dentures” really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1857 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,019

Funny Quotes Topics

14,813

Funny Quotes Images

12,019

37 seconds ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Spotted on Discord:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Spotted on WeChat:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Making waves on Telegram:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Spotted on X:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Live now on Snapchat:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Home » Funny Getting Quotes » Page 21

216 Funny getting quotes

More funny getting quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you have a demanding feline personal trainer? 🐱💪 Talk about the ultimate cardio workout! #CatFitGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Commentary:
Ah, the moment you realize your hearing is as questionable as your memory 🙉📺 Embrace the subtitles – they're like your personal on-screen hearing aid! #AgeingGracefully
6 months ago
Share →: The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging gracefully – losing body parts along the way 🤷‍♂️ Just remember to pick 'em up if you find 'em! 🦵🔜🙈"
6 months ago
Share →: You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Commentary:
"Oh, when you and yourself can't seem to agree on anything, you know it's stress o'clock! 🤯🙄 Hang in there, self, we'll get through this together! 💪😂"
6 months ago
Share →: When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Commentary:
"If this logic holds, I must be on fire right now! 🔥 Who knew staying warm was the secret to avoiding those extra pounds! 😂🤷‍♂️ #HotGirlSummer #ExpandingMyHorizons"
6 months ago
Share →: I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Commentary:
"Having work dreams is like getting unpaid overtime in your sleep! 😴💼 But hey, at least your brain is committed to the job, right? 🧠💸 #WorkHardDreamHarder"
6 months ago
Share →: I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of looking busy without actually doing much. 💼💤 Who needs work when you're too busy planning how to spend your future millions? 💰😂 #RelatableGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Commentary:
"Who said I'm gaining weight? I'm just expanding my storylines! 📚💪 Don't judge me, I'm just adding more chapters to my life! 📖🍕"
6 months ago
Share →: And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Commentary:
"Looks like I'll have to rely on good old hard work and dedication instead of winning the lottery 🤷‍♂️💸 Here's to another week of being fabulously not-rich! 🥳 #HustleHard #MaybeNextTime"
6 months ago
Share →: Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't join you tonight – my mortgage and I are having a cozy Netflix date. Gotta make sure my money feels appreciated! 💰🏠 #HomebodyLife"

For even more funny getting quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1857 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,019

Funny Quotes Topics

14,813

Funny Quotes Images

12,019

37 seconds ago

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Breaking via Discord:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Spotted on Threads:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Shared recently on Telegram:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Just shared via YouTube:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Spotted on Telegram:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Live now on Facebook:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Making waves on Slack:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

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