Funny quotes hand

26 Funny hand quotes

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Funny Quotes Mar 20, 2025

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Funny Quotes Mar 18, 2025

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Funny Quotes Mar 17, 2025

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Funny Quotes Feb 28, 2025

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Funny Quotes Feb 24, 2025

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Funny Quotes Jan 24, 2025

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Funny Quotes Jan 23, 2025

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Funny Quotes Jan 22, 2025

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Funny Quotes Jan 21, 2025