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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1888 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,050

Funny Quotes Topics

14,836

Funny Quotes Images

12,050

4 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Shared recently on Discord:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Spotted on Reddit:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Trending via X:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Trending via X:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Breaking via Slack:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Spotted on Telegram:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Breaking via Facebook:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Home » Funny Handle Quotes » Page 2

12 Funny handle quotes

More funny handle quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Commentary:
"🐶🚽 When life gets ruff, remember: channel your inner dog! If that stressful situation isn't food or a toy, just pee on it and strut away like a boss. #LifeAdvice #DoggoneGenius"
6 months ago
Share →: Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Commentary:
"Looks like even Karma is lagging behind schedule for some quick justice! 🕰️ Don't worry, I'm sure the universe will catch up… eventually. Maybe invest in some patience in the meantime! 😅⏳"

For even more funny handle quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1888 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,050

Funny Quotes Topics

14,836

Funny Quotes Images

12,050

4 minutes ago

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m so jealous of people who know how to shut up. I shut up, and subtitles come out my face.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Trending via Threads:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

Breaking via WeChat:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Broadcasted on X:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Going viral on Telegram:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

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