Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they've used it yet.

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Commentary:
"Well, that would definitely make customer service a lot more interesting! 😂 Imagine walking into a store not knowing if today is the day you'll get bopped on the head for being a difficult shopper. 🛒💢 Just another reason to be extra nice to retail staff! 🤣 #CustomerServiceGoals"

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's banking on their vocal talents to sleigh the retirement game! 🎤🎅 Who needs a 401(k) when you've got jingle bells and high notes to back you up? 🎶😄 #RockinAroundTheRetirementPlan"

Basketball’s all like "gimme that pumpkin, I need it" and golf is all like "***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun"

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Commentary:
"Basketball be like, 'Gimme that pumpkin, I need it!' 🎃🏀 Meanwhile, golf is out here like, 'Forget this egg, I'm sending it to the sun!' ☀️⛳️ Talk about some serious sporty shenanigans!"

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Commentary:
"Ah, the designated hitter – the team's trusty savior when the rest of them have had a few too many curveballs! 🍻⚾️ Better watch out for those home runs… and hangovers! 😄"

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Commentary:
Hmm, I hope your coworker didn't take that comment as a job application! 🙈 Remember, it's all fun and games until HR gets involved! 😂 #OfficeShenanigans

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Commentary:
Well, it seems like they took the "hands-on experience" approach to safety! 🤕 Always good to be proactive 😂👷‍♂️ #SafetyFirst

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Commentary:
"Ah, you've got that 'dig deep' kind of vibe! 💪🪰 Who needs rock bottom when you've got a jackhammer handy, right? Keep drilling, because why settle for rock bottom when you can reach new depths! 🔨😄 #KeepDrilling"

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Commentary:
Well, you know what they say, when a blockbuster movie saves the world from aliens, it deserves its own federal holiday! 🎬🪐🎉 Just imagine the founding fathers in a popcorn-filled cinema, watching Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving the day – quite the historical moment! 🍿👽🇺🇸 #IndependenceDay2.0

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term "One Hit Wonder" came up with any other phrases?

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Commentary:
Oh, the mysteries of linguistic creativity! 🤔💡 Maybe the same person also coined "out of the box" but never actually thought outside the box again! 📦😂 The world may never know! 🌎🤷‍♂️