248 Funny house quotes

• There are TV shows that only exist on the screens of girls’ houses you go to one time and never again.

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  1 week ago

  again, exist, girl, girls, house, houses, humor, never, only, screens, show, shows, time, TV, TV Show, visit

• Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

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  1 week ago

  Christmas, clothing, gone, holiday, house, humor, over, pair, smaller, stolen, surprise, theft, trouser, wardrobe, work, work trouser

• You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

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  1 week ago

  accomplishment, back, cleaned, cleaning, daily, daily life, ever, good, house, humor, just, life, observation, room, satisfaction, walk, work

• Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

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  1 week ago

  2, days, family, family visit, growth, home, house, humor, life, parents, personal, personal growth, regression, visit

• In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

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  1 week ago

  20, always, Christmas, door, east, flight, holiday, house, humor, miles, movie, neighbor, never, next, Santa, sleigh

• Getting road rage alone in my house.

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  1 week ago

  alone, anger, anger management, driving, frustration, getting, house, humor, management, rage, road, road rage

• I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

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  1 week ago

  chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week

• There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

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  1 week ago

  available, family, home, house, humor, mom, need, possession, rule, something, yours

• My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

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  1 week ago

  Christmas, Christmas Eve, eve, favorite, house, i, kid, kids, Santa, spotless, tell, tradition, where

• “Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

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  1 week ago

  alone, everyone, family, holiday, home, home alone, house, humor, moment, movie, peace, reminder

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