212 Funny house quotes — Wordgag ツ

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

2 hours ago2 hours ago

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

1 week ago1 week ago

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

1 week ago1 week ago

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

4 weeks ago4 weeks ago

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

4 weeks ago4 weeks ago

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

1 month ago1 month ago

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

1 month ago1 month ago

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

1 month ago1 month ago

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

1 month ago1 month ago

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

1 month ago1 month ago

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

2 months ago2 months ago

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

2 months ago2 months ago

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

2 months ago2 months ago

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

2 months ago2 months ago

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

2 months ago2 months ago

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

2 months ago2 months ago

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

2 months ago2 months ago