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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year, and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Just shared via Threads:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Live now on Slack:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Once you turn 25 years and above, there is no need to set an alarm. Your problems will wake you up by force.

Making waves on Threads:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

105 Funny imagine quotes

Funny imagine quotes 🎭 are the secret sauce to turning an ordinary day into a giggle fest! Whether you’re dreaming 🤔 of talking animals 🦄 or envisioning yourself as a pizza-eating superhero 🍕, these quirky snippets tickle your imagination and bring laughter to life. Perfect for sharing with friends or enjoying solo, they’re your daily dose of whimsy and joy 😂. Dive in and let the fun begin! 🎉

New funny imagine quotes 👇

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

1 week ago

back, humor, imagination, imagine, irony, life, nightmare, perspective, sit, sometimes
Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

1 week ago

bedtime, comfort, eaten, guys, humor, imagination, imagine, monster, monsters, plushie, sleep, sleeping
Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

1 week ago

away, Christmas, day, disappointment, feel, gift, give, giving, heart, heartbreak, humor, imagine, next, relationship, someone, stupid
Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

1 week ago

companionship, fur, having, home, humor, imagine, pet, someone
If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

1 week ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, humor, imagine, just, loss, memory, much, short-term, short-term memory loss, too
Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

1 week ago

AI, AI evolution, apocalypse, Cloudflare, ever, evolution, fail, humor, imagine, internet, internet outage, joke, kill, outage, survival, tech, tech fail, technology, thing, trying, us
Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

1 week ago

1868, dead, dead horse, going, hell, historical, horse, humor, imagine, outside, situationship
If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

1 week ago

4, band, Beatles, conversation, humor, imagine, just, lads, Liverpool, music, ready, sound
Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

1 week ago

AI, imagination, imagine, money, spending, spent, technology, train, transportation
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

1 week ago

baby, baby talk, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, over, plant, plants, talk, talking

For even more funny imagine quotes, hit next 👇

All funny imagine quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

26 shares on X this month:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

14 shares on X this month:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

37 shares on Threads this month:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

51 shares on Discord this month:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Had a shower and put on clean pajamas. It was a productive day.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive like I’m immortal.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,616

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Just landed via Messenger:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Going viral on Facebook:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Live now on YouTube:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Going viral on Slack:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Trending via YouTube:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

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