It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Despite popular opinion, dating apps are NOT for dating. They are for finding people to watch your Instagram story for years and years.

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.