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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Just shared via WeChat:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Making waves on Messenger:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Spotted on Discord:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Funny intrusive thought quotes

Funny intrusive thought quotes are the perfect way to laugh at those random, wild ideas that pop into your head when you least expect them 🤪💭. Whether it’s imagining hilarious scenarios or quirky what-ifs, these quotes turn awkward mental moments into pure comedy gold 😂✨. Ready to embrace the chaos of your mind with a smile? Let’s dive into some seriously funny brain blips that everyone secretly relates to! 🎉🧠

New funny intrusive thought quotes 👇

All funny intrusive thought quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Threads this month:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

54 shares on Slack this month:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

52 shares on TikTok this month:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

41 shares on X this month:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

11 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Doc, if I can vibecode anything and everyone else can vibecode anything, then what’s my competitive advantage?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,590

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Shared recently on X:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Spotted on Threads:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Broadcasted on Instagram:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Trending via Discord:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Making waves on Twitch:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Trending via Telegram:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

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