Funny quotes kid

76 Funny kid quotes

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

3 weeks ago

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

1 month ago

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

1 month ago

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

1 month ago

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

1 month ago

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

1 month ago

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

1 month ago

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

1 month ago

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

2 months ago

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

2 months ago

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

2 months ago

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

2 months ago

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

2 months ago

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

2 months ago

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

3 months ago

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

3 months ago

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

3 months ago

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

3 months ago

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

3 months ago

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

3 months ago