The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.