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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Going viral on Snapchat:

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Trending via WeChat:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Breaking via Threads:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Breaking via X:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Live now on Snapchat:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Trending via Twitch:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Making waves on Reddit:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Just landed via Discord:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

253 Funny man quotes

Funny man quotes poke fun at the quirks, habits, and hilarious logic that often come with being a guy! 😄👨 Whether it’s stubborn DIY attempts, selective hearing, or the mysterious bond with the TV remote, these quotes highlight the funny side of manhood in all its glory. Get ready to laugh at the legends, myths, and everyday moments that make men so entertaining! 😂🔧🍔

New funny man quotes 👇

My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking, one cleaning.

2 hours ago

chores, cleaning, cooking, fantasy, having, humor, man, men, once, relationship, wish
Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

3 hours ago

answer, dating, dinner, girl, girl dinner, heart, hearts, humor, man, men, persistence, refusal, take
I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

4 hours ago

anger, emotion, every, got, hotness, hotter, humor, i, mad, man, me, relationship, thinking, time, wish, wishful, wishful thinking
As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

5 hours ago

entertainment, forgive, humor, low, low self-esteem, man, men, need, self-esteem, woman, yourself
The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

5 hours ago

breakup, feeling, humor, i, man, minute, mother, over, relationship, start
The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

5 hours ago

avoidant, behavior, boy, communication, humor, irony, know, lover, lover boy, man, most, personality, social, social behavior, someone, somewhere, telling
I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

5 hours ago

affection, flirtation, hands, humor, i, keep, love, man, me, please, touch, touchy-feely, yes
Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

5 hours ago

barking, comment, comments, girl, girls, i, interaction, man, media, playful, relationship, social, social media, stuff, want, weird
A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

6 hours ago

ass, both, door, doors, flirtation, flower, flowers, gentleman, hair, humor, man, relationship, soulmate
When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

6 hours ago

apparently, back, busy, communication, dating, day, every, humor, irony, likes, man, relationship, start, talk, works

For even more funny man quotes, hit next 👇

All funny man quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

61 shares on Slack this month:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

14 shares on Threads this month:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

21 shares on X this month:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

34 shares on Discord this month:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Wake me when AI does housework.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,688

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Just shared via TikTok:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

Breaking via Instagram:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Just landed via WeChat:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

Spotted on Discord:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Spotted on Reddit:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Spotted on Reddit:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Just shared via Messenger:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

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