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Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,956

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Live now on Threads:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

Seen just now on X:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Trending via Facebook:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Breaking via Facebook:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Home » Funny Medical Quotes » Page 5

45 Funny medical quotes

More funny medical quotes 👇

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

0

4 months ago

healthcare, humor, i, interaction, live, me, medical, medical receptionist, met, never, patient, patient interaction, receptionist, sarcasm, wanted
Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

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4 months ago

God, gratitude, humor, i, joint, joints, law, marijuana, medical, medical marijuana, need, pain, pain relief, relief, state, state law, thanks
“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

0

4 months ago

blood, blood type, boiling, funny response, humor, i, joke, know, medical, medical question, question, response, type
Doctor said I am terminally chill.

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4 months ago

am, chill, doctor, humor, i, joke, medical, medical joke, relaxation, said, terminal
Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

0

5 months ago

botched, botched circumcision, circumcision, got, humor, medical, medical mishap, mishap, pun, willy, willy wonka, Wonka, wordplay

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All funny medical quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on WeChat this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

20 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Ugh, but profoundly.

Going viral on X:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Going viral on Messenger:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Just landed via Discord:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Spotted on Twitch:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

45 Funny medical quotes

More funny medical quotes 👇

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

All funny medical quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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