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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Spotted on TikTok:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Just landed via Facebook:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Just landed via Instagram:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Spotted on Instagram:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Me: I love you more than a flower loves the sun. Him: I love you more than a teenager loves his phone.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Shared recently on Messenger:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Breaking via X:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Reported on X:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

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