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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡΄ has shared:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has viewed:

I need to stop saying β€œOppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΄ has copied:

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has shared:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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1899 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,061

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14,844

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12,061

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Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Shared recently on Instagram:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Breaking via Facebook:

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

Just landed via Threads:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Reported on TikTok:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Going viral on Telegram:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

1899 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,061

Funny Quotes Topics

14,844

Funny Quotes Images

12,061

Updated

2 minutes ago

Users Online

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has viewed:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has downloaded:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡― has shared:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has downloaded:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, β€œI’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, β€œAlright, get your coat.”

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has shared:

British people be like β€œI’m Bri ish” cause they drank the β€œT”

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going viral on TikTok:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Making waves on Reddit:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Seen just now on Twitch:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Just landed via Discord:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Reported on Messenger:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Trending via Instagram:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Making waves on TikTok:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Just shared via WeChat:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

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