Funny quotes once

46 Funny once quotes

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Funny Quotes Mar 31, 2025

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Funny Quotes Feb 24, 2025

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Funny Quotes Feb 21, 2025

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Funny Quotes Feb 9, 2025

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Funny Quotes Feb 6, 2025

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Funny Quotes Feb 3, 2025

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Funny Quotes Jan 26, 2025

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Funny Quotes Jan 25, 2025