Funny quotes own

92 Funny own quotes

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

2 weeks ago

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

1 month ago

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

1 month ago

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

1 month ago

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

1 month ago

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

1 month ago

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

1 month ago

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

1 month ago

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

2 months ago

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

2 months ago

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

2 months ago

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

2 months ago

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

2 months ago

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

3 months ago

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

3 months ago

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

3 months ago

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

3 months ago

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

3 months ago

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

3 months ago

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

3 months ago

The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

3 months ago

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

3 months ago

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

3 months ago

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

3 months ago

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

3 months ago

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

3 months ago

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

3 months ago

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

3 months ago

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

3 months ago

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

3 months ago