714 Funny people quotes

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old wisdom of keeping your lips sealed… until the liquid courage kicks in! 🍷🙊 Why do we always give in to the temptation to spill the tea when our inhibitions are floating away with each sip? It's like our mouths have a secret pact with alcohol to air out all the forbidden thoughts! 🤭💬 Next time you feel the urge to share a little too much, just blame it on the spirits – both the liquid kind and the

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  3 months ago

  Share →: The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

  Commentary:
  "Embarking on a diet is like being a secret agent in a world full of tempting food spies 🕵️‍♀️🍔🕵️‍♂️! We are all just trying to dodge the sneak attacks of our cravings while pretending to be interested in what our friends are devouring 🤫🍕. Who knew that the real challenge was mastering the art of stealthy side-eyeing at delicious treats? #DietingDilemmas

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  3 months ago

  Share →: People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

  Commentary:
  "Who says going home is a bad thing? 🏠💤 I'm all about embracing my inner cozy sloth and heading home for that sweet, sweet nap time. Go big or go home? More like go big, then go home for a nap! 😄💤"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the bacon-to-person ratio is a little skewed here 🥓👩👩👩👩 Who knew bacon could multiply you like that? Time to invite some friends over for a crispy and delicious bacon feast! 🥓🎉👯‍♂️"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

  Commentary:
  "Seriously! 🤔 Do they use it to meticulously arrange their sock drawers, contemplate the mysteries of the universe, or perhaps master the art of the perfect cup of tea? ☕️ The possibilities are endless when you're living life in the fast lane of 'k'! 😄 #TimeSavers"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to use plastic wrap effectively feels like attempting a magic trick that always ends in frustration and tangled mess 🤯🪄♻️ Maybe we need some wizardry lessons to master this elusive kitchen sorcery! 🔮🌯"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

  Commentary:
  "Those who can fall asleep faster than a dropped potato 🥔 have got to be hiding some magical sleep secrets 🧙‍♂️. Do they skip the overthinking stage and dive straight into dreamland? 🌙 Maybe they're just professional nappers with a PhD in Dozing Off 😴. Sweet dreams or plot twist: they're actually night ninjas 🌌!"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

  Commentary:
  "If only time wasted could be converted into dollars 💸… I'd be a billionaire by now! ⏳😂 #TimeIsMoney"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

  Commentary:
  “Passwords are like underwear: Keep them hidden, refresh them often, and definitely don’t be handing them out to random passersby! 🙈🔒 #PasswordProtection101″

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

  Commentary:
  🤔💭 "The eternal debate: Are public pajamas a fashion faux pas or a bold declaration of comfort supremacy? 🛌💁‍♂️ Either way, these pajama pioneers are truly keeping us on our toes… or should I say, on our slippers! 🦶👖 #PajamaParty"

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