Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Dec 30, 2025

4,007

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

Just shared via Snapchat:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Making waves on X:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Making waves on WeChat:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Just shared via Discord:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Seen just now on YouTube:

This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.

229 Funny pet quotes

Funny pet quotes are all about the quirks and hilarious antics that come with having a furry friend! 🐾😂 Whether it’s the dog who thinks he’s a lap dog, the cat who rules the house, or the unexpected chaos they bring, these quotes remind us that life with pets is never dull. Get ready for some serious belly laughs, because pets make everything funnier! 🐕🐈🎉

New funny pet quotes 👇

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

0

4 hours ago

affection, animal, booster, day, day improvement, funny voice, humor, improvement, interaction, just, kind, looking, love, miraculous, mood, mood booster, much, pet, pet interaction, saying, stuff, voice, weird
Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

0

1 week ago

alive, app, digital, digital pet, going, humor, irony, keep, mobile, mobile app, needs, offline, pet, someone, Tamagotchi, technology, virtual, virtual pet
Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

0

2 weeks ago

companionship, fur, having, home, humor, imagine, pet, someone
Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

0

2 weeks ago

annoying, behavior, cat, cats, causation, coughing, grooming, hairball, humor, just, pet, pet behavior, sense, sometimes, thing, think
If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

0

2 weeks ago

50, care, caretaker, girl, girls, got, house, humor, i, keeper, know, pet, plants, relationship, responsibility, things, useless, walk
A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

0

3 weeks ago

dinosaur, humor, people, people problem, pet, problem, problems, solve
In your 20s, there will be a cat, and it is very important to get that cat and spend so much money on it.

0

1 month ago

20s, adulthood, cat, humor, important, money, much, pet, spend, spending
Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

0

1 month ago

affection, again, being, called, compliment, cute, cutest, endearment, love, me, name, only, pet, pet name, relationship, romantic, say, thing, yes
I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

0

1 month ago

ad, bed, called, dog, dog bed, dog owner, dogs, humor, i, owner, pet, pet bed, pet humor, pet owner, saw, ultimate, ultimate bed
Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, behavior, calm, dog, dogs, funny observation, human, humans, humor, jobs, observation, pet, pet behavior, relationship, stress

For even more funny pet quotes, hit next 👇

All funny pet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

56 shares on X this month:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

67 shares on X this month:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s crazy that you don’t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting a new life today, bye.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Breaking via Snapchat:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Trending via YouTube:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴