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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Dec 30, 2025

3,971

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Breaking via X:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Going viral on Instagram:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Spotted on WeChat:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Spotted on YouTube:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Just landed via Slack:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Spotted on Messenger:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

603 Funny procrastination quotes

Funny procrastination quotes turn putting things off into an art form! ⏳😂 Whether it’s putting off work with “I’ll do it tomorrow” or getting distracted by every random thing in sight, these quotes show that procrastination is always easier with a little humor. Why do it now when you can laugh about it later? 😅🛋️📅

New funny procrastination quotes 👇

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

0

1 hour ago

12, book, book lover, bookshelf, buy, days, Funny, humor, lover, procrastination, read, reading, sometimes, time
Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

0

1 hour ago

bedtime, bedtime procrastination, control, control issue, day, day end, end, feels, give, issue, last, personal, personal time, procrastination, sleep, sleep issue, time, yours
An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

0

1 hour ago

again, article, bored, clean, cleanliness, clothing, enough, floor, germ, humor, joke, laundry, leave, left, procrastination
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

0

19 hours ago

chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week
A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

0

22 hours ago

audiobook, chore, chores, entertainment, good, humor, multitasking, procrastination
I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

0

22 hours ago

book, books, film, films, humor, i, leisure, management, multitasking, nothing, procrastination, read, relaxation, time, time management, want, watch
I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

0

1 day ago

back, different, exam, humor, i, person, procrastination, question, questions, skip, student, test-taking
Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

0

2 days ago

ask, before, December, email, holiday, holiday season, January, management, problem, procrastination, season, send, time, time management, yourself
Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

0

5 days ago

car, Christmas, Christmas Eve, eve, family, holiday, honey, humor, procrastination, store
Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

0

7 days ago

1, 2, Christmas, holiday, humor, oh, procrastination, shopping, stages, stress, time

For even more funny procrastination quotes, hit next 👇

All funny procrastination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on WeChat this month:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

57 shares on Slack this month:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Donuts hug you from the inside.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,730

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Seen just now on X:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Going viral on Discord:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Making waves on WeChat:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Just shared via Reddit:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Going viral on Threads:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

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