Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,397

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Going viral on Twitch:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Going bananas on Threads:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Going viral on Facebook:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Just landed via Messenger:

This sex could have been an email.

Shared recently on Threads:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Just landed via Discord:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

625 Funny procrastination quotes

Funny procrastination quotes turn putting things off into an art form! ⏳😂 Whether it’s putting off work with “I’ll do it tomorrow” or getting distracted by every random thing in sight, these quotes show that procrastination is always easier with a little humor. Why do it now when you can laugh about it later? 😅🛋️📅

New funny procrastination quotes 👇

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

7 days ago

alive, avoid, being, different, existentialism, hit, humor, life, nap, naps, procrastination, sarcasm, sleep, using
I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

7 days ago

anything, application, cover, cover letter, employment, except, humor, i, job, job application, letter, procrastination, work, writing
Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

7 days ago

distraction, great, humor, life, miss, phone, procrastination, staring, technology, time
The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

7 days ago

always, amount, humor, management, people, priority, procrastination, same, time, time management
I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

7 days ago

attitude, humor, i, just, lazy, motivation, procrastination, selective, suffer, suffering
This email could’ve been sex.

1 week ago

communication, email, humor, life, message, modern, modern life, procrastination, relationship, sex
I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

1 week ago

humor, i, irony, nothing, notice, observation, pattern, procrastination, self-awareness
Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

1 week ago

back, boss, doing, doing nothing, excuse, humor, i, joy, laziness, nothing, procrastination, telling, work
Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

1 week ago

48, day, hours, humor, i, Monday, need, preparation, procrastination, ready, should, Sunday, time, weekend
You can do laundry every day and still be behind on laundry.

1 week ago

behind, chore, daily, daily task, day, every, household, humor, laundry, procrastination, still, task

For even more funny procrastination quotes, hit next 👇

All funny procrastination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Instagram this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

43 shares on Discord this month:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

60 shares on X this month:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem is I am always the problem.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Trending via Snapchat:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Just landed via Telegram:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Trending via LinkedIn:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Broadcasted on X:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Going viral on WeChat:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Live now on Messenger:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Just shared via Discord:

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

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