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6 months ago
Share →: Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

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"Looks like someone's tired of living in the Land of Excuses! 😂 Time to bid adieu to that bullsh*t and pave the way for some genuine awesomeness! 💪🚫💩"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Just landed via YouTube:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Spotted on X:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Going viral on X:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Just landed via Slack:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Making waves on WeChat:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Going viral on Threads:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

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121 Funny reality quotes

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

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