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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Going viral on Slack:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Trending via Telegram:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Just shared via YouTube:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Just shared via Discord:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

21 Funny recommend quotes

More funny recommend quotes 👇

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

2 months ago

activity, adventure, advice, anyone, experience, exploration, fun, fun activity, getting, good, just, new, new experience, places, recommend, recommendation, sightseeing, somebody, travel, visiting
If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

2 months ago

catholic, Catholic Church, church, crime, crime story, history, humor, i, recommend, recommendation, religious, religious history, story, true, true crime
I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

2 months ago

advice, employment, financial, financial advice, generational, generational wealth, guys, humor, i, joblessness, recommend, recommendation, wealth
I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

2 months ago

head, humor, i, music, people, recommend, songs, stuck
Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

2 months ago

activity, close, concert, experience, fun, fun activity, going, grass, heart, hold, i, live, live performance, music, performance, recommend, song, touching
If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

2 months ago

bit, cuisine, culinary, dining, food, humor, i, recommend, sarcasm, something, sophisticated, tired, try, want, wit
For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

2 months ago

booby, case, children, home, i, leave, reasons, recommend, security, set
Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

2 months ago

behavior, good, good behavior, humor, just, new, new start, recommend, recommendation, someone, start
Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

2 months ago

anxiety, basic, coping, health, humor, intrusive, intrusive thought, looking, mental, mental health, recommend, recommendation, self-help, someone, thought, thoughts
My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

2 months ago

book, fast, friend, frustration, humor, i, joy, life, read, reading, recommend, relationship, speed

For even more funny recommend quotes, hit next 👇

All funny recommend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

51 shares on X this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

51 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

92 shares on Threads this month:

“Nah.” – everyone with an office job, from the Monday after Thanksgiving until January 2nd.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

70 shares on TikTok this month:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Just shared via Instagram:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Going viral on Threads:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Spotted on Slack:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Making waves on Facebook:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Spotted on Discord:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Live now on Slack:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Just landed via YouTube:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Live now on Slack:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Trending via Snapchat:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Activity Log ✨

21 Funny recommend quotes

More funny recommend quotes 👇

All funny recommend quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨