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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Going viral on Twitch:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Making waves on Telegram:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Trending via Telegram:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Seen just now on X:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

801 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,963

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,963

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Reported on Instagram:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Just landed via Discord:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Reported on Messenger:

Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.

Spotted on Telegram:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Spotted on YouTube:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

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