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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

The amount of family secrets you uncover as you get older is wild.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,537

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Trending via Twitch:

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

Shared recently on Instagram:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

Breaking via Messenger:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Just landed via WeChat:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

Spotted on Slack:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Going viral on YouTube:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Live now on Pinterest:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Discord this month:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Some people are wise; some are otherwise.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Breaking via YouTube:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Just landed via Discord:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Just shared via Messenger:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Spotted on Slack:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

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