Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Trending via Pinterest:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Going bananas on Facebook:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

Going bananas on Threads:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Just shared via Reddit:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Trending via Pinterest:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Live now on Pinterest:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Trending via Pinterest:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Funny seasonal humor quotes

Funny seasonal humor quotes bring the perfect blend of laughter and festive vibes to brighten any day 🎉❄️ Whether you’re cozying up in winter or soaking up summer sun ☀️😎, these witty gems add a splash of joy to every season. Ready to giggle through the holidays, spring blooms, or autumn leaves? 🍂🌸 Get set for some seriously chuckle-worthy moments that make every season shine a little brighter! 🎃😂

New funny seasonal humor quotes 👇

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

0

2 months ago

am, change, clothes, clothing, clothing struggle, going, humor, i, okay, readiness, ready, season, season change, seasonal, seasonal humor, struggle, summer, summer clothes, transition, weather, weather transition, winter, winter clothes
Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

0

2 months ago

coffee, cold, cold weather, dark, days, drink, hibernation, humor, morning, morning routine, routine, seasonal, seasonal humor, short, short days, weather, winter
August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

0

4 months ago

almost, August, Christmas, Christmas shopping, costume, Halloween, Halloween costume, happy, holiday, holiday planning, humor, management, new, new year, next, over, pick, planning, seasonal, seasonal humor, September, shopping, start, time, time management, week, year

All funny seasonal humor quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

43 shares on Instagram this month:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

In banana years, I am bread.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Going viral on Instagram:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Going viral on YouTube:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Going viral on WeChat:

My parents think they know me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Spotted on Instagram:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Going viral on TikTok:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Breaking via Discord:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Just shared via YouTube:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴