Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,976

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Just shared via Instagram:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Going viral on Twitch:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Shared recently on Threads:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Just landed via Messenger:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Going viral on Threads:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Home » Funny Self-improvement Quotes

85 Funny self-improvement quotes

Funny self-improvement quotes are like sprinkles of humor on the cake of life 🍰! They turn the grind of personal growth into a laugh-out-loud adventure 😂. Imagine picking yourself up with chuckles and giggles as your guide 🎈. These witty words of wisdom remind us that progress doesn’t always have to be serious—it can be a joyful journey filled with quirky inspiration 🚀. Dive in and let the hilarity fuel your transformation 🌟!

New funny self-improvement quotes 👇

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

0

4 days ago

Christmas, confusion, figure, holiday, humor, ID, life, self-improvement, wish
I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

0

3 weeks ago

after, doom, doom scroll, humor, i, improve, improvement, life, little, media, procrastination, scroll, self, self-improvement, social, social media, yes
Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

0

1 month ago

disappointment, every, Friday, getting, humor, i, life, motivation, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, together, weekend
All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

0

1 month ago

attractiveness, being, care, financial, financial stability, getting, humor, i, priorities, self-improvement, sexier, stability, stable
Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

0

1 month ago

am, doing, done, going, humor, i, just, keep, literally, motivation, obsession, productivity, self-improvement, stuff, unfortunately, woman
If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

0

1 month ago

amusement, annoyance, annoyed, attitude, emotion, enter, figure, God, hack, humor, improvement, life, life hack, mindset, mode, motivation, much, positivity, pretty, self, self-improvement, state
Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

0

1 month ago

adult, crush, dating, embarrassing, embarrassment, forging, having, hobby, humor, learn, literally, maturity, old, self-improvement, sword, sword forging, too
I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

0

1 month ago

getting, humor, i, life, motivation, procrastination, self-improvement, shit, stress, together
The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

0

1 month ago

back, bad, bad habit, bundle, communication, habit, habits, humanity, humor, i, me, message, mushroom, need, psychedelic, response, self-improvement, shit, tell, together, told, us, weeks
Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

0

1 month ago

after, bottom, career, geologist, hitting, humor, motivation, pun, resume, rock, rock bottom, self-improvement

For even more funny self-improvement quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

79 shares on Discord this month:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

21 shares on Discord this month:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,993

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Just shared via Twitch:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Going viral on YouTube:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Live now on Messenger:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Going viral on Slack:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

Just landed via Reddit:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Just landed via YouTube:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴