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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,498

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Trending via Snapchat:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Making waves on Instagram:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Trending via Slack:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

Trending via Threads:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

24 Funny spider quotes

Funny spider quotes spin a web of humor around our eight-legged friends! 🕷️😂 Whether it’s poking fun at their sudden appearances or their sneaky ability to hide, these quotes add a lighthearted twist to an often creepy subject. Get ready to laugh away your spider fears with these hilarious one-liners! 😄🕸️

New funny spider quotes 👇

I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

4 hours ago

goals, house, humor, i, kill, life, life goals, luxury, rich, spider, want, wealth
Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

2 months ago

acting, animal, animal prank, big, closet, clothes, clothing, costume, crawl, humor, impersonation, insect, last, me, night, prank, saw, spider, trying, wardrobe
There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

2 months ago

accident, animals, buy, car, funny situation, giant, going, humor, humor about animals, new, situation, spider, unexpected, vehicle
Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

2 months ago

bedroom, creep, disappear, fear, humor, mind, sight, spider
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

2 months ago

dead, funny observation, humor, i, just, mistake, observation, rug, spider, thought, yarn
Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

2 months ago

explore, house, humor, nature, pest, spider, still, world
Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

2 months ago

anxiety, away, creature, fear, giggle, humor, imagine, ran, run, spider, us
Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

2 months ago

bug, bugs, developer, finding, humor, irony, joke, love, nature, only, programming, spider, technology, web, web developer
You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

2 months ago

badass, bunny, cleaning, corner, dust, dust bunny, exaggeration, fear, humor, irony, real, spider, unexpected
My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

2 months ago

across, annoyance, anywhere, built, car, driving, funny situation, humor, i, obstacle, situation, spider, steering, steering wheel, travel, web, wheel

For even more funny spider quotes, hit next 👇

All funny spider quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

98 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

26 shares on Discord this month:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

57 shares on Slack this month:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s… you can now use this as an excuse not to help a friend move.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Just shared via Threads:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Breaking via Facebook:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Going bananas on X:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Going viral on Pinterest:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

Seen just now on Threads:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

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