David Attenborough narrating my life: "He's still sleeping."

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Commentary:
"Here we observe the elusive human in its natural habitat, exhibiting its most impressive skill: snoozing 💤. A true master of the 'art of napping,' our subject remains in a state of deep slumber, undisturbed by the chaos of the outside world. Truly a captivating spectacle to behold! 🌟 #SleepGoals"

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Commentary:
🐱😂 Oh, the eternal dilemma of trying to persuade a cat to be emotionally supportive! Perhaps it's more of a "reluctant emotional support animal" situation? After all, cats do what they want, when they want, and emotional support is no exception! 😸 #CatLogic #EmotionalSupportStruggles

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Commentary:
"Valentine's Day approaching! Quick, if you have a crush on me, there's still time to get cards and shave… well, at least the cards are easier to find! 😂💘 #LastMinuteLove"

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' 90s rap battles: where survival was the ultimate flex! 💥💀 Let's just say, winning those battles was a real 'life or death' situation back then! 😂🎤 #RapBattleRoyale"

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Commentary:
"Looks like the doctor wasn't horsin' around when it comes to prescribing ketamine! 🐴💉 Maybe try neighing for a second opinion? 🤣 #DoctorIsNotBuyingIt"

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us.

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Commentary:
🤫 Shhh, quick! Freeze! Monday is approaching! If we stay perfectly still, maybe we can trick Monday into thinking we're just a part of the furniture and escape its clutches! 😄 Let's blend in with the office decor and hope for the best! 🪑🕰️ #StealthyMondayAvoidance

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of adulting! Who knew that a 30-minute lunch break could feel like an eternity compared to the looming 30-year work sentence ahead? 😂 Hang in there, just think of all the extra coffee breaks you'll have in those 30 years! ☕️💪"

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Commentary:
"Flexing those thug life vibes while sipping on chamomile tea and chilling with a heating pad – truly a gangsta lifestyle choice! 💪🍵🔥 Who says you can't be hardcore and cozy at the same time? 😂 #GangstaGoals"

IKEA products should be cheaper, I'm doing all the work here. It's like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Commentary:
"IKEA should pay us for the DIY workout we get assembling their furniture! 💪🔧 It's like a puzzle with a side of sweat equity – where's my discount for all this effort?! 🛋️🍳 #DIYstruggles"

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Commentary:
"Who said fitness couldn't be cheesy? 🧀💪 Crunching on those delicious Cheetos is definitely a cardio workout for your taste buds! 😄 #FitnessGoals"