Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

71 Funny sure quotes

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

3 months ago

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

3 months ago

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

3 months ago

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

3 months ago

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

3 months ago

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

3 months ago

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

3 months ago

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

3 months ago

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

3 months ago

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

3 months ago

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

3 months ago

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

3 months ago

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

3 months ago

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

3 months ago

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

3 months ago

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

3 months ago

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

3 months ago

Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.

3 months ago

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

3 months ago

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

3 months ago