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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Going viral on Snapchat:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Trending via Slack:

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Live now on Instagram:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Spotted on Telegram:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Trending via Instagram:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

209 Funny surprise quotes

Funny surprise quotes bring a delightful twist to the unexpected! 🎁😂 From humorous reactions to plot twists and unexpected moments, these quotes capture the joy and laughter of those “gotcha” moments. Whether you’re celebrating a surprise party or just enjoying life’s little shocks, these quotes are sure to add a smile to your day. Enjoy the fun and embrace the unexpected with a hearty laugh! 😄🎉

New funny surprise quotes 👇

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

37 minutes ago

asking, child, feeding, feeds, feel, food, healing, i, inner, inner child, kindness, me, sharing, someone, surprise
You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

4 hours ago

best, entertainment, ever, favorite, favorite song, just, life, moment, music, playing, series, sery, song, start, surprise, watching
Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

4 hours ago

ask, attraction, flirting, getting, gift, humor, money, payment, sent, sexy, surprise, unexpected
It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

7 hours ago

always, available, bill, customer, customer service, expense, finance, humor, month, monthly, monthly bill, never, payment, sarcasm, service, subscription, surprise, us
This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

8 hours ago

celebration, Christmas, date, gone, holiday, quick, surprise, time, tomorrow, year
I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

9 hours ago

banking, check, everything, finance, hate, history, humor, i, me, money, spending, stole, surprise, theft, transaction
Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

9 hours ago

discover, discovery, entertainment, even, humor, imagine, movie, Netflix, parent, parents, surprise
Bro, did you seriously just forget about Dre?

13 hours ago

bro, casual, casual conversation, conversation, Dre, forget, humor, just, question, seriously, surprise
“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

15 hours ago

big, decide, decision, humor, identity, pronoun, pronouns, sexuality, surprise, surprises, tonight, yes
I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

15 hours ago

expression, flirtation, God, humor, i, nervous, oh, say, surprise, want

For even more funny surprise quotes, hit next 👇

All funny surprise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

71 shares on Threads this month:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

100 shares on Discord this month:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Thug life,” I whisper to myself as I check out my sunglasses in the mirror.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,343

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

Just shared via Twitch:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Spotted on Threads:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Shared recently on Facebook:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

Live now on TikTok:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

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