33 Funny thanks quotes

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  3 weeks ago

  View →: “Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: “Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?
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  3 months ago

  View →: “You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.
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  4 months ago

  View →: To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
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  4 months ago

  View →: No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!
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  4 months ago

  View →: “You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.
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  4 months ago

  View →: No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.
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  4 months ago

  View →: “Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.
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  4 months ago

  View →: “You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.
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  5 months ago

  View →: “Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.
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  5 months ago

  View →: You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!
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  5 months ago

  View →: Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.
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  5 months ago

  View →: A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.
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  5 months ago

  View →: “You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!
• 

  5 months ago

  View →: You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

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