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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

39 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Just shared via Instagram:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Shared recently on TikTok:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Trending via YouTube:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Home » Funny Thief Quotes

Funny thief quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

39 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Trending via Messenger:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Just shared via Slack:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Making waves on Messenger:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Just landed via Messenger:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Just shared via Telegram:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

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