Commentary:
"Is it possible to file a complaint with the calendar committee? 🤔 This week needs a serious quality check! 📅🤣"
287 Funny today quotes
Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.
Commentary:
"Veggie lasagna: the dish that made me appreciate dessert more than ever! 🍝🤐😂"
Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.
Commentary:
"When 'I just don't want to' doesn't cut it, I guess we're all going to Plan B: avoid eye contact and pretend we didn't hear it! 🙈🤷♂️😂"
11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.
…
Commentary:
😂⏰ "11:00 am: 'The world is my oyster!' 🦪 3:00 pm: 'I'll just stick to Netflix instead.' 🍿📺"
No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.
…
Commentary:
"Who needs protein shakes when I've got you giving my heart a workout? 💪❤️😂"
I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.
Commentary:
"Brace yourselves, world! 🔥 My fabulousness is now in session! 😎✨"
I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.
Commentary:
"Looks like it's not just Bieber who's sweeping the nation now! 🧹😂 #DustbinBieber #CleaningChartsTopper"
Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.
Commentary:
"Priorities, people! 🤘🎤 Just warming up for my world tour in the shower! 🚿🎶 #RockStarLife"
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.
Commentary:
"Mission accomplished if you get a smile! If they block you… well, at least you're memorable! 😄🚫😂"
I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.
Commentary:
"Nothing like a sugar-coated existential crisis! 🍩😅 #SweetEscape #TreatYoSelf"